New Burton Movie to be Macabre; Star Johnny Depp
October is almost upon us and as my thoughts turn toward Halloween I'm already jonesin' for a new Tim Burton movie. Luckily for me, this year I'm not just stuck perusing the Jack Skellington-inspired merchandise at Hot Topic while silently judging the socially challenged goth kids next to me ("Eeew, different people!").
Though I have to wait for it's Christmas debut, Burton will soon be releasing Sweeney Todd--starring his go-to cast of Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, and the color black.
When asked about the film, Burton had this to say:
"This is the first [time I've done] a...[musical] and this musical is even different from most in the sense that there's a lot of music in it. This one is almost musical throughout. That was an extra challenge that I got excited about, really."
Wow. You know what? I was going to joke about the absurdity of that statement but, when it comes right down to it, I don't even care about how retarded it was. Nevermind the fact that this is actually Tim's 3rd musical, not his first. Or that he referred to the musical as having "a lot of music in it" and being "almost musical throughout." I still love him with all of my heart.
And when I say all of my heart, I literally mean all of my heart--ripped, slippery and twitching from the newly hollow cavity of my chest and laid tenderly upon his twisted hands before I slip soundly, soundly into a world full of nothingness……
(and, SCENE!)
Indiana Jones Searches for Long Lost Artifact; Hates Snakes
Apparently Tyler Nelson, an Extra on the set of the new Indiana Jones film, has been devulging major plot details to the press-- leaving George Lucas and Steven Speilberg all in a tizzy!
According to the source:
"Apparently, the Soviet Army was searching for a [crucifix] skull in the jungles of South America and Indiana Jones was searching, as well," Tyler said.
"We took Indiana Jones hostage and managed to find the skull," Tyler said.
"They were filming us outside of a tent dancing and then turned the camera inside the tent," Tyler explained his scene. "I saw Harrison Ford strapped in a chair being interrogated. I started to gather they were holding this big crystal-looking thing in the tent and heard someone mention a crucifix skull."
So, in short, its Indiana Jones vs. The Bad Guys in a dangerous race to find a missing artifact and, at some point, The Bad Guys gain the advantage and hold Indiana Jones hostage.
Well, I for one, am PISSED. I mean, who could have predicted this kind of insanely complex plot twist!!? On the bright side, at least we don't yet know what Indiana Jones will be wearing. Wait, what?? He'll be wearing a hat and carrying a whip?!? Fuck this bullshit, now EVERYTHING is ruined!
Dear Steve Jobs,
Love is blind. Therefore, my love of all products Mac would typically overshadow any possible design flaws in newly released Apple devices. However, I'm fairly certain that the new iPod nanos are going to bomb--as they happen to be the ugliest devices on the face of the planet.
I understand that the new nanos have been upgraded with video capabilities and, therefore, must be larger to support the functionality; but were these pieces of shit approved by an intern while you were on vacation at Comic-Con (nerd)?
To paraphrase my boyfriend, "The new nano is a chunker."
Yea, that’s right Jobs. The nano is a fatty. And I think its fair to say that you're contributing to the obesity epidemic by labeling it as "thin" and "small" on your website. You make me sick.
Love,
Madgiepoo
For all you suckers out there who aren't as awesome as I am, you can now purchase a really watered down version of the iPhone (you know…minus the phone part) via the just-released iPod Touch.
The iPod Touch is just less than one-third inch thick and can store photos, music, videos and other digital data. It features the same 3.5-inch, touch-screen display as the iPhone, on which light finger touches allow the user to scroll through menus and resize pictures with two fingers.
You've got to hand it to Steve Jobs. He basically just took the iPhone, removed all the cool functionality and remarketed it as a suped up iPod without any additional research or costs to his company. And he knows full well that people will fall for it. Brilliance!
October is almost upon us and as my thoughts turn toward Halloween I'm already jonesin' for a new Tim Burton movie. Luckily for me, this year I'm not just stuck perusing the Jack Skellington-inspired merchandise at Hot Topic while silently judging the socially challenged goth kids next to me ("Eeew, different people!").
