Al Gore is my Hero
When asked how he was dealing with his newfound Hollywood success thanks to his unexpected box office hit "An Inconvenient Truth," Al Gore had this to say:
"I'm in a feud with Lindsay Lohan. She knows what she did."Four words. Al Gore for President!
Oh....wait...
Ashlee Offers Advice to Ugly Girls
Ah, the wonders of plastic surgery.
Ashlee Simpson, best known for being ugly and untalented, has had quite the Hollywood makeover--with widely reported surgeries on her nose, chin, and lips.
Yet, despite the recent disposal of her natural genetic makeup, she is trying to convince girls that they should feel comfortable in their own skin:
"Everyone is made differently, and that's what makes us beautiful and unique," enthuses Jessica's now doppelganger blond and plump-lipped little sis. "I want girls to look in the mirror and feel confident."Ashlee Simpson telling girls to feel comfortable with thier own God-given looks is pretty much comparable to her telling girls not to be furiously jealous of their genetically, vocally, and boobiliciously blessed older sisters.
I imagine Ashlee and Jessica's relationship to be similar to that of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito in the movie Twins. One day, Ashlee is just going to find out that Jessica's birth was a scientific experiment in genetic perfection and Ashlee was just the accidental product of the leftover garbage genes.
Researchers at Oregon State University say that the compound xanthohumol, found in hops, inhibits a protein in the cells along the surface of the prostate gland.
The protein acts like a switch that turns on a variety of cancers, including prostate cancer.The trouble is you'd theoretically have to drink about 17 beers a day for any potential benefit.
Not to sound like a feminist, but I'm officially convinced that God is a man. Why? Because when women get UTIs, we're told to drink cranberry juice and take anti-biotics. And when those anti-biotics, in turn, caus us to get yeast infections, we're THEN told to shove cream up our hoo-has and eat yogurt with "live bacterial cultures."
But you know what? Despite all of this, we were able to get through it--because we knew that, one day, our male counterparts would enter their mid-life and be all but required to undergo medicinal sodomy--the ultimate retribution for the age-long abuse of female nether regions. And now, thanks to alcoholism, that dream is gone.
Forbes has come out with a list of the Best and Worst paying jobs and, I must say, the results are just ASTOUNDING.
The medical profession dominates the top end of our list of the 25 best-and-worst-paying jobs in America. Surgeons are No. 1, with the next seven spots taken by various sorts of specialist medical practitioners. Chief Executives [are] at No. 9.
Lowest paid of all? Fast-food cooks, followed by busboys, dishwashers and waiters.
You know, at first I thought this list was pretty damn obvious. But I was kind of surprised to learn that Airline Pilots make a shitload of money. I always considered them the taxi drivers of the sky. Of course, this assumption was based entirely on John Travolta's taxi-driver-turned-commercial-airline-pilot character in
Look Who's Talking, but still. If you can't trust a Kirsty Alley movie about talking babies, who can you trust?
Capote: Take Two
Apparently, last year's Philip Seymore Hoffman favorite wasn't the only In Cold Blood 'behind-the-scenes' movie being filmed. According to MSN, "Infamous," which boasts an identical storyline and a much bigger cast (Gweneth Paltrow, Sandra Bullock, Daniel Craig, Jeff Daniels, Sigourney Weaver) was in production at the exact same time Capote was.
Alas, it was Capote that won the race to the big screen and, as a result, "Infamous" was shelved for release by one year to save it from being compared to Capote.
Cast member Sandra Bullock had this to say:
No one thought once, 'Oh my God, we can't do both of these!' I'm sure no one was wondering, "What is the other one doing?"Riiiiiight.
Anyway, I think it was smart of the producers to hold back a year on the release of Infamous. A year will be TOTALLY enough time for people to forget about Capote. In fact, Capote will be so long forgotten by this point that they could just pitch it as "a remake of the 2005 classic."
Box office GOLD, baby!
Over the past two weeks,
X-Men: The Last Stand has broken box office records despite director Brett Ratner's apparent attempt to make it as terrible as humanly possible.
The film, possibly the last in the X-Men series about mutant superheroes, earned a record $120.1 million in US and Canadian cinemas over the four day US Memorial Day long weekend.I thought this addition to the blog would be easy to produce seeing as how I have internally catalogued exactly 8,193 points that I hated about this movie. However, I'm finding that my overwhelming disappointment in so many aspects of the film has blocked my ability to say anything coherant.
I can only assume that this was Brett Ratner's plan from the start: Bombard moviegoers with so much crap that they won't be able to focus on any single terrible plotline.
But, in truth, I imagine his plan went more like this:
First, I'll twist the most famous and beloved storyline in X-men history into something completely unrecognizable and vastly inferior. Then, I'll jam as many secondary characters as possible into the film all the while refusing to give them lines or develop their personalities. Finally, I'll kill off major characters that arent' supposed to be killed off so that people leave the theater going "What the hell??? I totally though Cyclops would come back in the end!!! That movie sucked!"
Yea...$1,000,000 says that was his plan.
