You probably thought that headline was just me being sarcastic and witty but, oh no my friends, you read it right. JK Rowling confirmed, just hours ago at Carnegie Hall, that the beloved Headmaster of Hogwarts (R.I.P) was a homosexual.
[Rowling] was asked by one young fan whether Dumbledore finds "true love."
"Dumbledore is gay," the author responded to gasps and applause.
She then explained that Dumbledore was smitten with rival Gellert Grindelwald, whom he defeated long ago in a battle between good and bad wizards. "Falling in love can blind us to an extent," Rowling said of Dumbledore's feelings, adding that Dumbledore was "horribly, terribly let down."
Dumbledore's love, she observed, was his "great tragedy."
Later on, Rowling was asked if the similarly single Minerva McGonagall was also gay- to which Rowling replied, "No, no. Don't be silly. She was simply Dumbledore's fag-hag."
Note: For additional humor, click on the poster image and take note of the delightful foreshadowing provided by the tagline.
In a recent appearance on The Big Idea, rampant republican Ann Coulter managed to offend a shitload of people.
While appearing on "The Big Idea," Coulter said Judaism should be discarded, that Jews required Christianity to be "perfected," and that Christianity had a "fast track" to God. I don't get it. What are people so up in arms about? Clearly Ann Coulter is right. I mean, the big JC--son of God himself--was Christian. You can't ask for better proof than that! We Christians are on the express train to Heaven, beyotches--no stops in Jewtown, Islamville, or …wait, what? He was Jewish? Get the fuck out of here!
Zac Efron is Totally Masculine
Recently, while I was reading up on important current events (Britney gets overnight visitation rights!), I ran across this gem of a quote from
High School Musical star Zac Efron:
“I was the kid that if I saw a great movie that I enjoyed, I’d go and see it twice, thrice, 10 times and then, of course, go buy the DVD. Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music was very important to me. I also loved Cinderella. When I was younger they were huge for me.”Wow, up until this point, I was
sure Zac Efron was gay. I mean, all the evidence was there:
--the bang sweeping haircut
--the starring role in 3 musicals
--the blatant use of coverup and mascara while not on the job
--the "girlfriend" desperately trying to get his attention via naked pictures of herself
But I'll be damned if you can find anything more masculine than
Cinderella and
The Sound of Music. I hear SpikeTV screens them between episodes of The Ultimate Fighter and that show where Asian people do stupid things while wearing helmets.
Steinbrenner Proves He is Still the Asshole Everyone Believes Him to Be
When I think of October baseball, I think about dramatic hitting rallies, come-from-behind wins, white knuckle extra innings and Yankees owner George Steinbrenner making an asshole statement about possibly firing Joe Torre at the end of the post-season.
Yes, this is now the 4th year in a row that Steinbrenner has put Joe Torres job on the line should the Yankees fail to win.
"I think we're paying him a lot of money. He's the highest-paid manager in baseball, so I don't think we'd take him back if we don't win this series." That’s right, Georgie! You tell 'em! Nothing says "I need to overcompensate for my incredibly small penis" quite like firing the guy who has lead the Yankees to 12 consecutive postseason appearances, 10 AL East titles, and 4 World Series championships. While you're at it, you should also consider firing Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez AND Johnny Damon for failing to hit grand slams in every game. NO MERCY!!!
An Open Letter to ABC
Dear ABC,
I'm basically in love with Tim Burton. That much as
been established. So, when I heard that your new show, 'Pushing Daisies', was being produced by the same people who brought me
Big Fish (my favoritest movie ever) AND was being oft-compared to the visual style of
Edward Scissorhands (my second favoritest movie ever), I was totally psyched.
Then, I found out that the creator of Pushing Daisies was the same guy who created 'Dead Like Me' (one of my favoritest TV shows ever).
Also, when I finally saw a preview, the music was blatantly Danny Elfman inspired--which
1)is just plain awesome and
2)borders slightly on intellectual property infringement.
In short, I have extremely high expectations for this show in what has been an otherwise shit-filled premiere season. I desperately need something to fill the void of LOST so don't fuck it up!
XOXO,
Madgiepoo
Britney Spears Ruining my Fantasy Celebrity League
Dear Britney,
Remember a couple of years ago when all the guys wanted to do you and all the girls wanted to be you? When every college girl in America could do at least 1/3 of the choreography to "Slave 4 U" inbetween Saturday night shots of tequila? What the hell happened to those days?
You've got a net worth of about $50 million dollars and yet, somehow, you just lost custody of your children to their unemployed deadbeat father. Do you know how difficult that is? I mean, Michael Jackson molests children and even HE still has custody of his kids!
Britney, I know you're far past the point of common sense here (and probably a day or two away from suicide) but could you just do me a favor and TRY to be sane?? How the hell am I supposed to win my
Fantasy Celebrity League with you yanking the crazy out of every orifice!? I didn't get you in my draft so stop being such a media whore!
Thanks,
Madgiepoo
