Giant Calamari Ends World Hunger
A group of Japanese Scientists have successfully taken live pictures of a Giant Squid in its natural habitat after 10 years of searching. The pictures apparently shed some light on their behavioral patterns and have the scientists suspecting that they are " much more active predator[s] than we previously thought"
From the Seattle Times:
"Through sheer ... determination the guy has gone on and done it," said O'Shea, chief marine scientist at the Auckland University of Technology, who is not linked to the Japanese research.
O'Shea said he hopes to capture juvenile giant squid and grow them in captivity. He captured 17 of them five years ago but they died.Yes, please capture the giant aggressive and predatorial sea beasts and breed them......Then release them back into the ocean to feed on us....That would be AWESOME.
If You're Reading This, You're Probably Either a Male or a Female. Definitely One of the Two.
I'm officially starting a Bird Flu death toll betting pool. $5 entry.
From MSN.com:
On Thursday, Dr. David Nabarro — the new U.N. coordinator for avian and human influenza — had warned that the “range of deaths could be anything between 5 and 150 million” from a new pandemic. “One of those numbers will turn out to be right,” spokesman Dick Thompson told reporters.Wow. Really, Dick? Can you
really be
SURE the death toll will fall between 5-150 million? I don't know. Thats a pretty narrow range. You might want to be a little broader to make sure you cover your bases.
Red Sox Fans: Whiny Little Bitches
I'm sick of Red Sox fans being such drama queens. I mean, I suppose they had the right to be--when they lost, like...86
* years of baseball in a row. But, last year, they redeemed themselves after
eons of ineptitude-- and even managed to do relatively well over the past few years despite having the collective defensive skills of a little league team. So stop whining!
*(measured in thousands)From some pussy writer on Boston.com:
"Here we are, looking up at the Yankees. Again...We thought we put all this stuff to bed last year. No more 1948, 1949, 1974, 1978, 1986, or 2003. No more talk of collapse. The 2004 Red Sox pulled off the greatest comeback in the history of the sport and did it at the expense of the hated New Yorkers. Suddenly the Yankees were the chokers.
Now this. The cleat is on the other foot ...the apple is in the other throat...."...and the vagina is the official Red Sox team mascot.
Poons.
Asians Make Incredibly Dated Sex Joke
So... some Asian people decided that they would name condoms after Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky.
From Boston.com:
The Clinton condoms will go on sale in southern China for 29.8 Yuan ($3.72) for a box of 12, while the Lewinsky model will be priced at 18.8 Yuan ($2.35) for the same quantity."The Clinton condom will be the top of our line," [spokesman Liu Wenhua] said. "The Lewinsky condom is not quite as good."
Liu said the company had chosen to use the Clinton name because consumers viewed the former president as a responsible person, who would want to stress the importance of safe sex...Next in line for Liu: Hillary Clinton Warming Lubricant: "For the Frigid Bitch in All of Us."
March of the (Gay) Penguins
From the Chicago Tribune:
Roy and Silo, the two famous gay penguins at New York's Central Park Zoo, are no longer a pair. Silo has gone straight.They broke up after six years together. "Silo found a young female. Her name is Scrappy," Rob Gramzay, the zoo's senior penguin keeper, told me in a phone interview on Tuesday...Roy didn't really find anybody...He hung out with a few birds...He's not in a nesting situation. It's more for camaraderie."And, while Silo and Scrappy have recently adopted an egg, Roy is widely rumored to be dating Vince Vaughn.
Fox Sports Hates "Other" Golfers
ESPN.com includes a section called "Players" in their Golf drop-down box. Here, you can surf info on all the different PGA and LPGA players! Somewhat-likewise, Fox Sports Online has a section entitled "Tiger"
What Fox Sports is implying, is that the only Pro Golfer anyone gives a shit about is Tiger Woods. And DAMMIT, just because its true, doesn't mean they can't give equal attention to...ummm...those other golfers...whatever their names are.
JP-the-2 Successor is Naive
The Catholic Church, in its latest effort to become even more ass-backwards than usual, is trying to stop gay men from becoming priests.
From Boston.com:
"An effort by the Vatican to look for evidence of homosexuality in Catholic seminaries is alarming gay rights advocates but is pleasing conservatives, who are hoping that Pope Benedict XVI will soon issue a ban on gay men as future priests."Future News: Catholic Church Implodes: Shoots Itself in Proverbial FootAP-
After a successfull witch hunt banning homosexuals from becoming priests, the Catholic Church has been forced to shut its doors. When reached for comment, the now-defunct Pope Benedict had this to say, "Its a bit of a shock. I mean, who knew that 80% of Catholic priests were homos?...Didn't see THAT coming."
Gillette: Wicked Innovative
FINALLY--a razor that lives up to my stubborn bikini line growth! Boston based company, Gillette, has come out with a new 5-blade razor that totally kicks Shick's 4-bladed razor's ass.
From the LA Times:
Gillette "is a marketing machine," ..."I think their goal of this being a billion-dollar-type product is pretty conservative. They didn't want to just be another four-bladed razor." Really? A marketing
machine, eh?
It really must take some intense brainstorming to come up with the solution to outselling a 4-blade razor. Probably as intense as the brainstorming Shick had to go through to outdo Gillete's 3-blade razor. God....I wonder what they'll come up with next? If only I were smart enough to work in Marketing...
For Sale: Soul
From the LA Times:
BATON ROUGE, La. — Brandy Farris is house hunting in New Orleans.The real estate agent has $10 million in the bank, wired by an investor who has instructed her to scoop up houses — any houses. "Flooding no problem," Farris' newspaper ads advise.
Her backer is a Miami businessman who specializes in buying storm-ravaged property at a deep discount, something that has paid dividends in hurricane-prone Florida.Well...I was scooping up property in Indonesia after the Tsunami so who am I to judge? I mean, we're talking PRIME real estate here. You can't let your soul get in the way of that.
Life after Death...and Decapitation...and Freezing
"Artist", Daniel Edwards, recently made a sculpture of Ted Williams' head in protest to the baseball legend's decapitation and cryogenic burial in 2002. (Note: his "protests" are on sale for $10,000-$15,000 a piece)
From The Miami Herald:
"The fact is, he was decapitated and stored in the middle of Arizona - it's an atrocious thing," Edwards said about the cryogenic process that resulted in the Hall of Famer's head being surgically removed and frozen at Scottsdale's Alcor Life Extension Foundation. The rest of Williams' body is stored in a separate tank there.
Alcor is preserving Williams and more than 60 other "patients" in hopes that medical science one day will be so advanced that they can be revived.So, in other words, not only does science have to advance to a state where dead tissue can be reanimated, but it also has to get to the point where decapitated heads can be re-attached to their respective bodies. Yea, yea. I would TOTALLY pay for that. Its like Vanilla Sky...but less offensive to my intelligence.
Even Presidents Need Bathroom Passes
From Reuters courtesy of Yahoo! News:
"U.S. President George W. Bush writes a note to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a Security Council meeting at the 2005 World Summit and 60th General Assembly of the United Nations in New York September 14, 2005."In response, Rice was overheard scolding, "
How many times did I tell you to go
BEFORE we left the White House?"
A sheep in womens clothing
From The Boston Globe:
"For the second straight year, a sheep has been stolen from the Natural Resources Trust of Easton...According to Robert Babineau, executive director of the trust, the sheep was taken Sept. 3, spray-painted in black, [and] dressed in a bra..." Ironically, it was later released that the sheeps name happens to be 'Lil Kim'
Marriage is way sacred
From msn.com:
"NEW DELHI, India - An Indian college girl has temporarily married her teenaged boyfriend’s elder brother so she can live in the same house as her lover until he is old enough to marry her, the Indian Express reported on Tuesday."
Thats just like that one time I married my boyfriend's uncle so that I could make jokes about having sex with my nephew.
Welcome Bitches and Gentlemen
Welcome Bitches and Gentlemen,
You have entered the world of Madgiepoo. This site will be soley dedicated to making fun of all stupidity--human or otherwise--that is reported by the journalists of the world. This blog will henceforth serve as a makeshift thesis meant to prove how superior I am to everyone else.
Caus I am.
I'm even better than you.
Its ok, you can deny it. I still know its true. And really....you shouldn't worry about it. I mean, theres really nothing you can do about it at this point....and...someone will eventually be stupid enough to love you.
It just won't be me.
Caus you suck.
**Disclaimer: If you don't like it, don't read it. And come back when you stop sucking. (On second thought, don't. You're probably just in denial).
