Putting the Poo in Madgiepoo

Glorious!

posted by Me @ 8:50 AM

Regular-Sized Wave Hits Japan after Quake

Apparently the news media is fresh out of trapped coal miners and missing mountain climbers because they have reverted back to their default go-to story of 2 years ago--tsunami-mania!

TOKYO - A strong earthquake struck Japan early Sunday, violently shaking buildings and triggering a small 6-inch tsunami which hit the coast, officials and media reports said. No major damage or injuries were immediately reported.

Immediately after the quake struck, authorities issued a tsunami warning for the country’s northwestern Sea of Japan coast and broadcasters urged people near the sea to seek higher ground.


Are we that desperate for news that we're reporting on a 6 inch wave?? Caus I'm preeeeeeetty sure those 300,000 dead people that died from a real tsunami would be pretty pissed to hear about that.

posted by Me @ 3:24 PM

That Girl From Harry Potter Quits Movies

In an article cleverly titled I Quititch! (get it? get it?)the UK-based News of the World is reporting that Harry Potter star Emma 'Hermione' Watson is refusing to sign on to star in the 6th and 7th Harry Potter films--due to begin filming in 6 months.

The pretty 16-year-old, who plays key character Hermione Granger, wants a spell doing other roles. The feisty young actress has told producers that even doubling her pay packet to £2 million a movie won't do the trick.

Said co-star Rupert 'Ron' Grint, "Emma doesn't want to do it any more. She's tired of being known as ‘that girl from Harry Potter'."

Um, after 5 movies playing one of the most famous characters in literary history, I'm pretty certain that its too late for her to be known as anything BUT 'that girl from Harry Potter.' Although in 5-10 years she'll probably be known as "that girl from Harry Potter who died of a drug overdose" and/or "that girl from Harry Potter who posed for Playboy."

On a related note, its just been released that the 7th novel, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, will be a whopping 784 pages long--meaning that if I start at midnight, go without sleep and take 2-3 bathroom breaks, I should be able to finish the book in just over 13 hours.

UPDATE: Warner Brothers has confirmed that the girl from the Harry Potter movies has officially signed on to do the remaining Harry Potter movies. She'll be reprising her role as that girl who is friends with Harry Potter.

posted by Me @ 5:13 AM

Dead Woman Upgraded to First Class

LONDON - A passenger in first class woke up to a shock when he found himself sitting near a corpse on a British Airways flight.

Paul Trinder, 54, said cabin crew moved the body of the elderly woman from the economy section where she had died after take-off.

"The corpse was strapped into the seat but because of turbulence it kept slipping down on to the floor," Trinder, a businessman, was quoted as saying. "It was horrific. The body had to be wedged in place with lots of pillows."

After Trinder complained to staff about the incident they told him to simply 'get over it'.

To be fair, Trinder had additional complaints about the flight--including that his champagne glass was "spotty" and his hot towel was "luke warm at best."

posted by Me @ 7:52 AM

Dear Madgiepoo

Sometimes, advice columns simply don't get to the point fast enough. Which is why, on occasion, I feel the need to step in and tell it like it is.

Dear Prudence,
I'm a 21-year-old college student in need of advice on how to deal with my father. My girlfriend recently went home with me for the first time to attend my older sister's birthday. Her opinion of my father was that he "kinda creeped me out." Several other close female friends have admitted things like this before as well. He stands too close to them, talks only to them too much, touches them on the arm when it seems out of place to do so, weird things like that. Of course, he would say he's just being friendly, but I'm quite sure that's not all it is. How do I deal with this?

—Don't Stand So Close to Her

Dear Don't Stand,

You're dad is a pedophile who doesn't love you mom and gets boners when he thinks about your friends. Start therapy now before you start cutting yourself.

Best of Luck,
Madgiepoo

PS--Bravo on your veiled reference to The Police's "Don't Stand So Close to Me" That tells me that you have a sense of humor about the situation so you probably won't kill yourself in 2 years when you find your Dad in bed with your 15 year old sister's best friend.

posted by Me @ 7:58 AM

So Easy, a Network Could Do It

Winner for most unusual piece of development this pilot season goes to ABC, which has turned a series of quirky Geico commercials into an actual half-hour comedy project.

"Cavemen" will revolve around three pre-historic men who must battle prejudice as they attempt to live as normal thirtysomethings in modern Atlanta.

On a scale of 1-10, this idea ranks about a 9,658,693,238 on my Awesome-Ideas-o-Meter. And if you don't agree...well... you're stupid.

posted by Me @ 11:14 AM